Review: Sunset Riders

Title Screen

Platform: Genesis
Publisher: Konami
Release Date: March 3rd, 1993

Initial Impressions: Fuckin’ Contra meets High Plains Drifter.

“But the Super NES versions has 2 more characters-”

“FUCK YOU!” is my reply. It’s not like any body uses anyone but Billy anyway, why would you? Two six-guns? Billy is the wild west equivalent of John Rambo.

I mean seriously, look at that pose. He’s like a sex panther sexing the universe. He looks like he’s about to moonwalk his dick right into you.

And have no illusions, here; Billy Cool is hard. As hard as they come. He makes Jack Palance look like a fucking muppet. Favorite word: Justice? This guy is like a fucking steel plated brick. And he wears a purple hat. What, are you going to call him on it? I don’t think so, man. He’d have your girlfriend pregnant and your dog raped before you died on the operating table from blunt force trauma.

Anyway, so fuck the other playable characters, they suck. Basically the game plays like Contra. You go from left to right shooting bandits and Mexicans, collecting money and power ups. They stages are two tiered (again, much like contra), so you can jump up to the upper levels of the store fronts and back down again. The power ups come in the form of gun upgrades and bullet upgrades. There are these fat banditos that drop purple sacks, and you can obtain power ups from shooting the sacks or from the bloody corpses of your fresh kills. Oh yeah, there’s one other way to get power ups: Fucking hookers:

That’s right. On the first stage you can enter the saloons and bang a hooker. And Billy Cool is so good, that the broad pays him. Beautiful.

After the first part of the stage, when you rescue a damsel who falls all over you despite that fact that you more than likely reek like turn-of-the-century whore vaginas. You than proceed through the second half of the town where at the end you must fight this fat dude who hides behind barrels like a pussy while he sends immigrant gunfighters out the windows after you.

The game pretty much progresses in this fashion through out the next three levels; rescue the damsel, kill the baddie. There is this bonus stage stage thrown in there where some dickhead throws 1ups and money out of the a back of a speeding covered wagon. You’re on a horse, and you have to follow the wagon and try to collect these power ups. Like, why not just stop the wagon and let Billy stock up? Assholes. But I digress…

The Genesis version also contains half the stages as the Arcade and SNES versions, but there is enough game here to keep you entertained. The game is at it’s maximum fun when played on the two player mode. Check that, this game is amazing on player mode. It is as fun, if not more fun than two player Contra.

Anyway, I highly recommend playing this game if you can track it down. Billy said so.



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