I was stuck at a tradeshow promoting my employer yesterday, and all I had with me was a pen and a notepad. I decided that I’d better start doing something constructive, mostly for my own sanity, so I started trying to write a review of a game I was playing recently. I could only come up with one sentence before I got stumped, and that’s when I realized that you can say alot about a game in just six words:
Double Dragon V: The Shadow Falls (GEN) – Complete vivasection of a great franchise.
Robocop vs. Terminator (GEN) – Total fucking carnage and techno music.
Contra: Hard Corps (GEN) – Really, really, really. really fucking hard.
Decap Attack (GEN) – Throw your own severed, screaming head.
Virtua Racing (GEN) – The game’s graphics are very dated.
Tiny Toon Adventures – Acme All Stars (GEN) – Most annoying music in gaming history
Virtua Fighter (32X) – Much more ‘square’ than you remember.
Mega Man (NES) – Not as hard as I remembered.
Final Fantasy III (NES) – Best game made for the Nintendo.
Little Nemo Dream Master (NES) – “Challenging Game Play” is an understatement.
Maniac Mansion (NES) – The game’s plot is surprisingly riveting.
G.I. Joe (NES) – You get to play as Snake-Eyes.
King Neptune’s Adventure (NES) – Makes me question hardcore NES collectors.
Miss Moonlight (DC) – Makes me wish I spoke Japanese.
Soul Calibur (DC) – Leagues above the Mortal Kombat franchise.
Dragon Warrior 7 (PS) – One of the longest games ever.
Lunar: The Silver Star Story Complete (PS) – I still like the original more.
Vagrant Story (PS) – Totally worth the hype it got.
Donkey Kong (2600) – Donkey Kong resembles a gingerbread man.
Carnival (2600) – Worst arcade port I’ve ever seen.