Review A Bad Game Day: Friday the 13th

It’s August 8th! You know what that means… Review A Bad Game Day! Head over to the Review A Bad Game Day’s site for a full list of reviewers participating in the event and see the links to all the bad reviews. The horror!

Speaking of horror, the game I have chosen for my bad game review is Friday the 13th for the Nintendo Entertainment System. A terrible game, but…

Here’s the thing. I really want to love Friday the 13th for Nintendo. I love the movies, I love character, I love the mythos, and I would love to love the game.

Embarrassing reveal time: I actually do like the game. A lot. But dammit I want to love it!

Do not misunderstand me here, I am not saying that Friday the 13th is a hidden gem, or a diamond in the rough, or even that it is misunderstood, because it is most assuredly a bad game. The music is annoying, the graphics are bland and uninspired, and the gameplay is frustrating, repetitive and unfocused.

What I am proposing here, is that with a few tweaks Friday the 13th could be the game I always wanted it to be; a game that lives up to the awesome opening animation of the knife stabbing the eye socket of that iconic hockey mask.

In the off-chance you are in the dark regarding the video game adaptation of Friday the 13th and its, uh, subtleties, I will get you up to speed.

In Friday the 13th you play as one of several camp councillors at Camp Crystal Lake. Jason Voorhees is on the loose, and it’s your job to try and stop him. Once and for all, might I add. You accomplish this by wondering around Camp Crystal Lake, fighting zombies(?) and birds(??), in order to gain health regenerative items and upgrade your weapon. You must also light fireplaces in the cabins scattered around the campground and come to the aid of fellow councillors when Jason starts stalking in for the kill.

In an inspired bit of game design, the councillors each have their own attributes, which amount to differences in character speed, and jumping height and distance. This may seem minor, but hell help you if you get Mark and Chrissy killed and you are stuck with Debbie or George. Keeping the best councillors alive is paramount, and this adds a nice element of strategy to the game. You can also transfer items between councillors, and switch between them at will.

As mentioned earlier, when Jason begins threatening a fellow councillor, their corresponding cabin begins to flash (and beep) and you have a finite amount of time to get to the cabin. If you enter the cabin before the timer runs out, your fellow councillor lives to see another day. Further exploration of the cabin (in a dumb first person mode, but we’ll get to that later) will trigger an encounter with Jason himself, and a battle will ensue, again in first person perspective.

Wasting time in reaching the cabins during a Jason attack also consumes “children”, and when all the children or councillors die, it’s game over. A game over isn’t all bad, mainly because it brings up my favourite game over screen in video game history:

The whole point of the game basically amounts to whittling down Jason over a period of three nights and three days through a series of encounters, repeating the same cycle of powering up and saving councillors. Although some-what limited in scope, Friday the 13th does none-the-less add a few interesting twists that elevate the game above what it could’ve been. For instance, Friday the 13th boasts an early example of an in-game day and night cycle, with different game events (such as certain enemies appearing, or item availability) occurring only on specific days or at specific times of day.

In addition to keeping the campers and your friends alive, you must effectively use time management from one day to the next, and survive an onslaught of common enemies and the periodic Jason attacks (both in the side scrolling over world sections and the first person cabin battles). You can also explore the woods, which is nearly impossible without a map (again, we’ll get too that later) or the cave (ditto for a map). In these two areas you can find the best weapons in the game early, if you are willing to try your hand at navigating through them. In fact, you can even fight Mrs. Voorhees’ severed head, if you make if to the end of the cave (on the third day) without going insane from frustration.

This all sounds like it adds up to pretty descent, maybe even a great video game. Unfortunately for us, laziness and bad game design ultimately tank the whole endeavour.

For one, the over world map is poorly implemented. In the game, Camp Crystal Lake is essentially arranged in a circle, with an inner circle area and pathways connecting it all together. The problem with this is, is that on the actually gameplay screen left and right are absolute, so if you travel from the bottom of the game map to the top. you end up moving toward the opposite direction as your map icon. It is kind of hard to describe without actually experiencing it, but trust me when I say it is borderline game breaking, especially when you absolutely have to rely on the map to locate the cabins Jason is attacking. You can spend half of the countdown timer heading in the wrong direction without realizing it.

Another terribly implemented feature is the first person exploration of the cabins. It is confusing moving through the cabins, because you can easily get lost and have trouble finding the door to get out. All the developers would have had to have done was provide a small map or compass in one corner of the screen to make navigation easier. Granted, the cabins consist of only a few rooms, so this is not a big issue, but it does hint at the underlying sloppiness inherent in the rest of the games design.

Probably the thing that hurts the game the most is the trying to navigate through the forest and the cave. These are side scrolling sections, and there are points where you can either move off the main paths by taking paths going up or down. The problem is that the design of these areas are completely counterintuitive, meaning if you were to go up and then decided that you wanted to go back to the previous screen, you would logically think that going back through the bottom exit would take you back to the previous screen. it does not. Since all the screens look nearly identical with no landmarks, do this once or twice and you become hopelessly lost. Even with a map, the cave and forest are very difficult to navigate. All though they are optional, this really cuts out what could have been a really neat side-quest of sorts. Bad game design basically makes these optional areas too hard to bother with, which hurts the overall experience.

If those three unfortunate design flaws were changed, the game might even be considered halfway decent. But tack onto that the boring music, ugly graphics, predictable enemies, scarce enemy variety, and unclear objectives and the game ends up falling too far short of even mediocrity.

Regardless of it’s shortcoming and gaping flaws, I actually pull this game out a couple times a year and play through it… wistfully wondering what could have been.

Twice as Bright: Sunsoft’s 8 and 16-bit Brilliance

When discussing the topic of quality NES third party developers, you often hear the same names repeated ad nauseum; companies such as Capcom and Konami are perennial favourites, and for good reason; they made some fantastic and highly influential games. Other companies such as Hudson Soft, Tecmo, and Irem may also enter the conversation for the same reasons. There is, however, one developer that you don’t hear about as often as you probably should:  Sunsoft.

Although Sunsoft had been in the video game market since the seventies, they ultimately rose to prominence in the late 1980’s and early 90’s developing a string of brilliant and successful titles, both original and license-based, before imploding during their transition to the Super Nintendo.

Sunsoft has the distinction, along with Konami and Capcom, of developing some of the best licensed games on the NES. Quality licensed games are something of a rarity in the pantheon of video game history, a trend which continues even today. License-based Sunsoft titles such as Batman and Gremlins 2: The New Batch demonstrated Sunsoft’s willingness be innovative and meticulous when dealing with a known property, preferring to create fresh gaming experiences through innovation and experimentation- an approach more akin to creating an original game or IP. Rather than simply churning out the bare minimum to make a quick buck, Sunsoft chose instead to push the limits of the NES hardware and game design conventions.

Arguably Sunsoft’s best NES release, Journey to Silius (Raf World in Japan), actually started development based on the original Terminator movie. For undisclosed reasons, most likely the impending release of T2: Judgement Day, Sunsoft lost the license during development. Sunsoft managed to salvage the nearly completed game and alter it enough to release without violating any of the Terminator’s copyrights, although a few tidbits such as some enemy sprites and music cues remain in the released game.

Sunsoft is also famous for developing some original games only released for Nintendo’s Famicom in Japan. Two titles in particular, Gimmick and Hebereke are universally acclaimed as classics and complete-in-the-box (or loose in Gimmick’s case) fetch hundreds fo dollars per copy at auction, due mainly to their low print run and reputation as some of the best games on the Famicom.

Sunsoft infamously developed Fester’s Quest (based on the Addams Family), and although the game is almost universally reviled (thanks mainly to The Angry Video Game Nerd’s overly-critical review), it is not nearly as bad as it’s reputation would suggest, and was very popular at the time of it’s release. Even Konami had Bayou Billy…

Sunsoft seemed to have difficulty parlaying their mastery of Nintendo’s 8-bit architecture over to the Super NES; that, combined with a lack of quality licenses (save for Warner Bros’ Loonie Toons) started a nosedive that eventually drove the company into near-bankruptcy in 1995.

Despite these struggles, Sunsoft managed to release games that have since become classics during the 16-bit era. Titles such as Blaster Master 2, Bugs Bunny Rabbit Rampage, The Death and Return of Superman, and Pirates of Dark Water were all solid games, although they mostly lacked the cutting edge innovation, design and stellar graphics that their earlier 8-bit titles displayed.

In the end, the changing landscape of the video game industry as the 16-bit generation matured proved to be too much for Sunsoft to handle. While other developers such as Konami, Capcom, and Natsume continued to develop extremely popular and critically loved games for the 16-bit consoles. Sunsoft lost a majority of its movie and TV licences, and with it, their main revenue stream. Sunsoft could not keep up with its competitors level of quality output and as the 16-bit era wore on, the company underwent a major restructuring in the face of bankruptcy. Sunsoft as a development studio was dead, although their legacy of 8 and 16-bit releases remains a reminder of their impressive run.

Chrono Cross Square Millennium Collection

For the dawn of the new millennium, Square took it upon themselves to re-release their biggest PS1 games complete with special edition packaging and tons of goodies. Fittingly, these titles were released under the banner “Square Millennium Collection”.

All of Square’s prestige titles got the deluxe treatment (with the exception of Final Fantasy VII, VIII and IX). Such now classic-titles as Xenogears, Parasite Eve II, Final Fantasy Tactics and  Legend of Mana all got repackaged in big boxes, packed with extras such as perfume bottles and music boxes and released at a discounted price.

These beautiful releases never made it outside of Japan, instead we got shafted with ugly green-edged “Greatest Hits” editions and nothing else.

It is no secret that I am a huge fan of the Chrono series (and by series I mean ‘three games’). I recently managed to pick up a copy of the Square Millennium Collection edition of Chrono Cross for a really fantastic price.

Each Millennium Collection game came with it’s own unique set of extras. The Millennium Chrono Cross comes with the game itself on two discs adorned with edition-exclusive artwork, as well as a stand up flip-calendar and a mini figurine.

The calendar has 31 plastic-coated cards and is not month specific, making it infinitely reusable. Each day has a unique piece of artwork, mostly of the characters you can recruit throughout the game.The reusable calendar concept itself is brilliant, given the time-travel centric plot of Chrono Cross. The inclusion of a time related goodie goes to show that the designers put some actual thought into what went into this special edition.  The clear-plastic case of the calendar itself is actually quite heavy, and it’s stand and rings are stainless steel. The overall quality is quite surprising, and the smallest details, such as the water-like appearance of the clear plastic, serve to magnify the attention to detail that this Millennium Collection received.

Also included is a mini-figurine of a recruitable character named Starky. One thing I will never understand is exactly why Square chose Starky to include as the figure, as he (it?) is pretty minor character in the game. I personally would have perferred a Kid or Serge figure, but I have really grown quite fond of having this little guy in my Chrono Trigger display case. The Starky figure even comes with a little rubber stand (visible in the above photo) that you can use for display purposes.

All in all I was quite impressed with the bonuses included, and would highly recommend the Millennium Collection version of Chrono Cross to any hardcore Chrono Trigger/Chrono Cross fans. The only real drawback is that this is one of the more uncommon Millennium Collection sets and doesn’t show up on English speaking auction sites all too often, and when it does it usually sells in the $150-$200 range. The price is well worth it for any Chrono super fan, given the series’ obscene lack of merchandise.

    

Hyperkin SupaBoy

I have been waiting to get my hands on one of these things since I first saw it demoed at E3 last year. The portable Super Nintendo has long been a dream of mine, and many other video game fans. Sure, there was that FC-16, but from most accounts I saw it was kind of junky and truthfully, the device itself looked like a gigantic sloppy Nintendo DS clone (in a bad way).

Hyperkin has created the SupaBoy with hardcore SNES fans in mind. Emulating the classic (and hideous, in retrospect) duo-tone grey and duo-purple design cues of the North American Super Nintendo, they are pandering specifically to the nostelgia of long time fans, and I am in love.

The entire machine has a pretty decent build quality, and the inclusion of SNES controller inputs on the front means you can use your own official Nintendo SNES controllers. You can only use them when the SupaBoy is hooked up to your TV, however, via the included AV cable. Many reviews raise complaints about this idiosyncrasy, but I personally think the idea of propping the SupaBoy up on a table, or laying it in your lap just so you can play it with plugged-in controller is kind of ridiculous, and really defeats the whole purpose of having a portable device in the first place.

On the plus side, the screen on the SupaBoy is absolutely fantastic. It is kind of disappointing that my photos do not accurately capture the color depth and vividness of the picture, but rest assured that this thing looks beautiful in person. 16-bit has never looked so good.

My sole complaint with the machine is that the D pad takes a little getting used to. I found myself having some trouble with precise movements for the first hour or so, but I soon overcame it’s short-comings and began unconsciously compensating for the over-stiff D pad. After I got used to it I never really had any further problems, but it would have nice to have something closer to the SNES’ actual D pad.

As far as game compatibly goes, I have tried out pretty much all of my carts and have not had any problems. I have heard people have had problems with the Donkey Kong Country games and with Super Mario RPG, but this is likely because the later released versions of these carts have added copy protection built-in which makes them incompatible with clone systems. Happily, my Super Mario RPG is one of the first batch released, so it plays without any problems.

The SupaBoy only gets 2.5 hours playtime per charge, so Hyperkin mercifully included a rechargable battery that can be charged via the included power adaptor.

Check out the thumbnails below for a small cross section of some of my favourite games running on the SupaBoy. These games include reproduction carts, an FX ship cart, and Super Famicom games. The Super Famicom Nintendo Power cart even works on the SupaBoy, which I was uncertain of initially.

  

 

Bandai Chrono Trigger Keychains

I recently came into a bit of a windfall when I sold an Ebay score for 20 times what I paid. I spent an entire day trying to decide exactly what from my long and storied Ebay watch list I would finally move on, and in the end I decided to bolster my already impressive Chrono Trigger collection.

The six characters represented in this keychain set are Crono, Marle, Lucca, Robo, Ayla and Frog- all the playable characters (minus Magus) from Chrono Trigger.

There is not much info about these on the internet (not in English, anyway) but the Chrono Compendium states that these were allegedly dispensed by arcade machines in 1995.

These six Chrono Trigger keychains were produced by Japanese company Bandai under license from Square. The six keychains are incredibly accurate to Akira Toriyama’s original character designs and are meticulously detailed, which is surprising, considering they are only 2″ – 2.5″ in height.

Chrono Trigger, unlike most Square-Enix franchises, has a distinct lack of officially licensed merchandise available. In fact, other than these keychains, the Formation Arts statues, and a handful of guides and soundtracks, not much else is out there for the rabid Chrono fan such as myself. This, in turn, keeps the price on most Chrono Trigger stuff up pretty high. For instance, this complete set of keychains routinely sell for upwards of $90 without the paper fold-outs that originally accompanied each keychain.

Don’t Look Back in Anger: Metroid II

As a kid I never actually own a Game Boy. I was one of the “turncoats” who went straight from the NES to the SEGA Genesis in Sonic the Hedgehog’s brilliant blue wake. That is not to say that I didn’t ever play any Game Boy games at the time. I had this good friend whose Game Boy was practically communal between him, myself and his twin sister. We used to play Super Mario Land and Tetris almost constantly, draining a king’s ransom in batteries. I distinctly remember playing Metroid II shortly after it was released in the twin’s basement; making maps on foolscap, color coding different sections, the whole nine.

As a child I never did beat the original Metroid, nor did I complete it’s sequel come to think of it. The Metroid games were something of mystery, an impossible enigma. There was an older kid in my neighborhood who had a code (his own personal password, you see) for the original NES game. He wouldn’t allow us into his parents basement until he had entered it, for fear of his password becoming common knowledge. We didn’t really care, though, because we just wanted to watch in awe while he decimated Motherbrain and gutted the white whale that was Metroid right in front of us.

The original Metroid for the Nintendo Entertainment System was among Nintendo’s earliest successes. Released very early in the life of Nintendo’s NES console, Metroid struck a chord with gamers of the era. Boasting an enormous world, tons of upgradable weapons and armor, and an open-ended freedom that is even today referred to as “Metroid-esque”, the game was destined to be a classic. Metroid was especially important for the young NES console because it exhibited what kind of experience a home video game console could offer, and also what made it a different experience than the arcade. Add to that a highly effective minimalist soundtrack which perfectly compliments the bleak and lonesome atmosphere of the game itself, and Metroid was a bonafide masterpiece.

With that massive success, Nintendo surprised players by releasing the much anticipated sequel for their portable Game Boy system instead of the NES.

Developed by famed Nintendo internal development team R&D1 and produced by the father of the Game Boy itself, Gunpei Yokoi, Metroid II: The Return of Samus pushed the Game Boy’s capabilities to it’s limits recreating sprites nearly identical to it’s 8-bit console predecessor. 

The lack of background detail in the game, which was at time (and even today) was the biggest complaint levied against the game, are actually a key part of the game’s construct. Knowing it would be impossible to match the visuals of the original, Gunpei and team instead used minimalist design and high contrast to add a stark emotionless expression to the isolated planet SR388 where parallax scrolling and color were absent.

The story takes place after the original Metroid, and is currently 6th in overall series continuity, chronologically existing just before the brilliant Super Metroid and after Metroid Prime 3: Corruption. In Metroid II: The Return of Samus, Samus is sent by the Galactic Federation to destroy the Metroids at their source: SR388, their home planet. As Samus you blast your way through the planet collecting power-ups and upgrades vying to reach the Mother Queen and incinerate it and the entire planet. The Return of Samus is notable for the fact that it features the debut of the Varia suit, the costume most identified with Samus and the series as a whole. In fact, it is the duo-tone color palette of the Game Boy which is responsible for the Varia suit’s iconic round shoulders. These were added to the sprite to differentiate it from the regular suit since color was not available to make the difference obvious.

After destroying the Mother Queen and setting in motion the events that will destroy all Metroids and their entire natural ecosystem, a stray Metroid hatches and imprints onto Samus during her escape form the planet. Samus cannot bring herself to kill the orphaned Metroid, the game ends with the two of them escaping the planets destruction together.

With a plot this developed, fully formed and engrossing, Metroid II stands head and shoulders above the majority of the Game Boy’s library and should be experienced by every series fan and action adventure game fan alike.

Snake, Rattle ‘N Roll

Undoubtedly, the 8-bit Nintendo era was the perfect casual crossroads in videogame technology- think of it as the iPhone of it’s day. Let me explain: At the time of it’s release  NES was far more cost efficient than a computer, with the savings far out-weighing what those computers could offer the casual consumer for entertainment. It also offered the potential for more complex types of games, as compared to the vastly inferior blocks and bleeps of the Atari 2600 and other contenders prior to those who didn’t survive the infamous early 80s video game industry crash.

As the NES found its way into more and more living rooms, it became an ideal platform for the ultimate casual player time-sink; puzzle games. From my own childhood, I can comfortably say that the release of the NES version of Tetris caused a massive influx of casual gaming interest. Different from the Wii boom, this was still a time when videogames were viewed as little more than children’s toys, and as a result this first casual revolution did not serve to sell more Nintendo consoles to casual players but instead saw game time on your own Nintendo eroded by your parent’s newly sparked interest in your “toy”.

Over its lifespan, the NES saw some of the most beloved and enduring puzzle games in history grace its 72-pin connector. Titles such as Tetris (the GameBoy iteration is arguably the greatest videogame ever made), Dr. Mario, Yoshi, and Yoshi’s Cookie, Irem’s Kickle Cubicle, Lode Runner, Solomon’s Key, and even such action/puzzle hybrid games as The Adventures of Lolo, Rainbow Islands, and Bomberman. Of course there is one title that I feel rises above all the rest, and remains today one of the greatest and most under-appreciated game from that era.

Released by Nintendo in July 1990, and developed by famed studio Rare, Snake Rattle ‘n’ Roll stands alone in its unique action/puzzle gameplay offering. Taking a page from Atari’s 1984 coin-op Marble Madness, Snake Rattle ‘n’ Roll’s gameplay takes place on a colorful multiscreen isometric grid, complete with platforms and terrain. You play as a snake, navigating these multi-leveled isometric playing fields in search of “Nibbley Pibbleys”, small sphere like creatures, which you eat. Consuming nibbley pibbleys increases the overall length of your snake ,and thereby increases the amount of damage you can take. After enough nibbley pibbleys are eaten, your now-lengthened body will begin to blink, signalling that you can now exit the stage. Your biggest threats are environmental hazards such as spikes and pits, and the various enemies that roam the levels.

When damaged, you risk losing segments of your body. Preventing this at all costs is important, because after finding the exit to a level, you can only unlock the door by first standing on a weight scale located nearby. If you are too light, the exit remains sealed and you must hunt for more nibbley pibbleys. The game features 11 stages of increasing difficulty, with the stages past 4 becoming brutally hard. But the difficulty of the game is such that you never feel that you are killed unfairly, and part of the fun of the game is finding the easiest way to clear each stage. None-the-less, Snake Rattle ‘n’ Roll is an extremely challenging, yet oddly addictive, hybrid action puzzle title. Snake Rattle ‘n’ Roll added another dimension to the gameplay with multiplayer co-op, something not often seen in puzzle games of the era. With a second player working to clear stages, the mode adds an additional element of strategy– trying to keep both snakes well fed makes the co-op more competitive than co-operative at times. Success, however, is determined by having both players finish each level, so it is imperative that you strike the correct balance.

If you manage to make it to the end of the game, you’re treated to a screen hinting at a sequel called Snakes in Space. Though such a sequel was never released, a portable version did see the light of day on Nintendo’s GameBoy. However, the gameplay style was altered from an isometric puzzle game to a side-scrolling platformer, killing off much of the charm and challenge that made the original so special. If you are looking for something different, Snake Rattle ‘n’ Roll is a true gem, and is worthy of a thorough play-through even today. The addicting, fast paced gameplay and bright, colourful environments make this a high watermark in the NES’s game library worth the revisit.

Anime Bravo Foxtrot: Why UN Squadron is Essential

A popular theme in many manga (mangi?) and anime flicks is the retconning of World World II. Games, manga and anime such as Valkyria Chronicles, Operation Darkness, and Pumpkin Scissors all take the setting, esthetic and look of 1940’s Europe and each add their own twist, whether that be mechs, steampunk technology, or field medics in fetish outfits.

Pictured: War

A casual glance at the cart for UN Squadron elicits virtually no excitement at all. It appears to be a run-of-the- mill, throw away cart- a game that seems to belong along beside Bill Elliot Nascar and Bulls Vs. Lakers in a thrift store bargain bin.

Save for one, very important part of the label… the little red rectangle that says “Capcom”. Capcom, fresh off dominating the third party library of the Nintendo Entertainment System, began it’s reign of 16 bit effulgence primarily with arcade ports, such as Final Fight and UN Squadron.

However, where as the SNES port of Final Fight is ultimately remembered as a famously co-op free misstep, UN Squadron is barely remembered at all.

Beneath the generic label and uninspired name, lies what Super Famicom players knew as Area88; a challenging, colorful 16-bit actioner that separates itself from the formulaic design of the standard spaceship shmup in a couple of ingenious ways. Having more in common with Gradius than After Burner, UN Squadron strayed further from both by adding non linear stages, upgradable and selectable weapons and aircrafts, and a most revolutionary of all, a health bar.

The Legend of Zelda Special Edition 3DS

Santa was very good to me this year… and the Santa I am referring to here happens to be my beautiful wife. Yes, my young and lovely better-half got me one of the best Christmas presents I could have conceivably received; the Legend of Zelda Special Edition 3DS console.

Let me begin by saying that half of the reason I wanted a 3DS in the first place was because of this Zelda special edition. I mean, this thing is absolutely beautiful.

From the dark charcoal / metallic sparkle finish, to the gold accents and Zelda themed design queues, this thing has it all.

I especially like the touch of adding the ornate border to the bottom area of the console. I personally would have thought nothing of the bottom being left all business, but the idea of using the Zelda theme throughout the entirety of the console’s design is certainly a welcomed and applauded feature.

Not to mention best part of all: it comes with the 3DS port of Ocarina of Time. Although not my favorite Zelda game, it is none-the-less an outstanding experience that no serious video game aficionado should be deprived of.

This port of the game features dramatically improved textures and smoother polygons. The gyro support new touch control interface are so intuitive it is hard to think of playing the game without them again, and the 3D is incorporated in an effective fashion which serves to accent the still-magnificent game play instead of distract from it.

The entire package was so irresistible that I am really happy I was able to get my hands on one of these because Nintendo stopped producing them. I am also pretty happy to finally have a 3DS and excited to start enjoying some of the games that I have been itching to get my hads on, such as Super Mario Land 3D, Cave Story 3D, and Devil Survivor.

FUNstation 3!

I just got this in the mail (via Hong Kong Post, naturally). The box may say Xoomstation, but don`t be fooled- the console itself is of course a FUNstation. A FUNstation 3, no less (the caps are mine).

Now, I must declare upfront that this does not, as the box claims, have “unsurpassed 64-bit graphics and CD quality sound running at an awesome 94 MHz”- not even close, in fact. To be more to the point, the FUNstattion 3 is a Famiclone.

A Famiclone awesomely styled after the model 2 PlayStation 3. Even the controllers are styled after Playstation controllers, although due to their corded nature they more closely resemble PS2 controllers.

It also came with a frighteningly realistic light gun;

The controllers and gun are so light I was convinced, and still kind of am, that the shells are hollow. Seriously, the console, controllers and light gun weigh about as much as a single official NES cartridge. They also appear to have DB9 ends, much like an Atari 2600, Master System, and Sega Genesis/Mega Drive.

Inconsistencies aside, I was pretty pumped to give the thing a whirl, having never owned a FamiCLONE before and having several pirated originals that will not work on official Nintendo hardware. That is until I saw the AC adaptor;

What the fuck is this? What the fuck? The website I purchased this from said it was compatible with North American TVs and outlets. *Sigh* I don’t see myself paying $60 for a power converter to play a games on a $20 clone console, when I could play them much more reliably on one of my 4 officially licensed Famicom consoles…

It`s not a total loss, I suppose. It did come with a pirate multi-cart that I can add to my Famicom collection. Somehow I doubt there are a billion games on this thing, but `jewellery` sounds interesting…

And I guess it was only $20 with free shipping… and it is pretty neat and certainly a unique conversation piece, if nothing else. For some additional laughs, take a look at the instruction sheet it came with below (click for larger version). I love how the instructions feature a model 1 and 2 PS1 and a model 1 PS2 in the illustrations. Silly pirates.